Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
