Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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