I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
