I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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