I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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