New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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