And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
