She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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