please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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