i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize