it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize