how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
it glows. i had to have it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
