I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize