so explain again why im purple
no
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
