the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
