Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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