Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
