Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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