'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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