i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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