FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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