69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize