hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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