i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
