I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
