he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i came on her dog
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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