drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My balls are so social today.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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