was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
