matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
