1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
