Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
