so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize