My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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