did you get engaged???
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
