she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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