Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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