I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So squirting runs in the family.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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