His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
