i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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