it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
