Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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