I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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