I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My pussy is not your playground.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
