The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
