By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
