he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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