I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize