First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
