I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
two words...techno handjob
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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