I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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