I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize