Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
