3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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