I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
