we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
