"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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