Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
