i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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