that's an acceptable place to lick
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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