Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
