we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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