Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I love you.
Bad choice
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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