just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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