I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
