Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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