i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
