No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
