i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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