If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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