Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
