dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
