There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
