Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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